that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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