When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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