i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize