So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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