All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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