Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize
