Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
