I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
