I could make wine with my vomit
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
