i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
