you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
