I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Hippo gnu deer
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
