How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
