I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize