I'm eating all of the evidence.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
