Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
