i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Randomize
