I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
