I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
