I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
