he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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