walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Randomize
