Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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