Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
