Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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