is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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