??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
