Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
