My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
