I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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