Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
