And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
