if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
