Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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