Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
