I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
