I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
