Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize