I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
