Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize