now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
