Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
