i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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