we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
