Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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