I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Randomize
