I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
