We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
