Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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