Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Randomize
