At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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