I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
