Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
