Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
