why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Boobs are out for the taking
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
