he puts the penis in happiness.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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