I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
She told me I should be a condom model.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
