What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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