It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I wish there were birth control emojis
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
