Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
