he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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