No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
