Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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