so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
