I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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