A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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