and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
