Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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