she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
