is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
