Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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