i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
