Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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