Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize