Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
