Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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