Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I need to align my fucking chakras
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
