he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize