I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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