this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
this will be a night to untag.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
