Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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