he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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